Thursday, September 30, 2010

God is Pretty Badass

All things are mine because I am His.
What the Fuck does that even mean?
So I have been perusing other blogs again to see how the other half lives and I keep getting stuck on all these Christian blogs! Wow, this guy wants to know the mind of God, but if I am not mistaken couldn't that get him cast out of Heaven ? I'm just saying is all, I have read "The Good Book" and with all the sexings, headchoppings and shit blowing up it is a pretty good book.
Like that time when David was peeping on his buddy's chick because he wanted to bang her and God was like "OK Dave if you wanna bang that chick with the sweet boobies you have to kill some sheep for me and get me some virgin poon so we can trade off, but I go first man" That was a good story.
Or when God was droning on about who begat who and then, BANG! He starts chopping dudes' dicks off!
How about that time when He told Abraham and his crew to "Go down to Sodom and fuck shit up, but don't bang any dudes or I will be really pissed" and Abraham's bro wasn't paying attention and thought that tranny was hot (not really his fault). So God sent in an airstrike of angels... AWESOME!!!
I do understand these people wanting to serve under the Lord and give him sweet handers and shit and I like Kirk Cameron too, but I think God might be using some of these people for his own benefit.
Remember when he told his Son (Jesus) to go to the temple and fuck up the tax collectors and take all of their dough and then build a big statue? Come on that is just a little self serving.
How about making everyone eat his Son's flesh and drink his blood, I bet he did that because vampires are all cool right now and kids will want to be Christians instead of vampires.
Well anyways this God guy is on top of his shit, he bangs all the hotties, will live forever, has bad ass flowing locks and he can fly!
Who wouldn't want to hang out with Him... I know I do

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