The Dictionary is Really Useful

Can you say boring?
I know that I can and astonishingly enough I can also spell it.
F-A-R-M-A-I-D
I have heard some people spell it without the farm or aid part, but I looked this shit up in Webster's and there it was on page 521 wedged between boredom and boron.
According to Mr. Dictionary, Neil Young is Canadian (retarded), Willie Nelson is like an old Pippy Longstocking only high as shit and John Mellencamp (aka cougs) thinks he's a fifties greaser when he is actually some sort of Hobbit or Troll like creature. There is also some guy that everyone is on a first name basis with named Dave, but I don't know the guy and I am pretty popular in some circles.
Now no one is passing judgement on this B-O-R-I-N-G (Farmaid) it is for a cause and that makes it good. There are all sorts of causes: Scientology (also spelled C-R-U-I-S-E), abortion (F-R-E-E-D-O-M), democracy (S-A-T-A-N) and of course Africa (A-I-D-S), this is just a brief glimpse into the world of causes that I found in the Dictionary and it says they are all profitable ventures and therefore good for me to feign interest in.
Due to the fact that I am an American (F-R-E-E-T-H-I-N-K-E-R); I decided to heed Pippy and troll guys' advice and go to Trader Joe's to read some labels and find a maid (cause I am a M-A-N  and that's what I need).
O-R-G-A-N-I-C?
That is on most of the labels so I had to look that up too.
Hmm? I forgot my Dictionary so I had to do the research in my copy of US weekly (T-H-E-S-A-U-R-U-S) and lo and behold there it was... the Canadian was more right than I could have foreseen.
Brad (J-E-S-U-S), Megan (H-O-T), the Jersey Shore Crew (S-C-I-E-N-T-I-S-T-S) all buying organic at Trader Joe's?
This helped me realize that the only decision left for me to make entirely on my own with no outside input from anyone besides myself or from Hollywood (C-A-M-E-L-O-T) was to change my lifestyle, go green, drive twenty miles each way in my eight cylinder truck to park in the several acre parking structure attached to the wonderfully air conditioned Trader Joe's and buy all of the organic products that have been shipped in from all over the world to the Midwest!
So what if I wasted an entire day of my life that I will never have back. I went green, saved a farm and learned a little bit about myself and that is what Farmaid (L-I-F-E  A-F-F-I-R-M-I-N-G) is all about.