"Beer, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems." - Homer J. Simpson
Truly thought provoking isn't it. All of life's little successes and failures conveniently packaged into twelve ounce cans of blame for you to toss out the window of your purple, '88 Oldsmobile Cutlass as you drunkenly swerve down the highway of life.
Do I have your attention?
Good, then we may proceed.
Beer has been the scapegoat of mans indiscretions for as long as man has been able to communicate beyond mere gestures and grunts. In fact by this reasoning it is safe to assume that beer is responsible for language altogether. This may not be the most scientific (or the last) of grandiose statements, but why not? Why would it be so unimaginable to think that a couple of early homo-sapiens-sapiens were sharing some refreshing fermented grain water after a hard day, became a bit emotional about the success of the hunt and their drunken attempts to communicate became something more? Guttural noises became the basic linguistic expressions of joy, sadness or any emotion and all thanks to beer!
To accept beers role as the muse of early mans successful communications with one another is to also accept its role as a possible catalyst in early mans numerous struggles. It is entirely possible that a few of our ancestors were genetically predisposed to addiction (not beers fault) and enjoyed an 8:00 am beverage a bit more than the daily berry picking and boar hunting. Clearly this did not sit well with the rest of the group (communists obviously) and our distant booze-hound relative was shunned and cast out to survive by his own means. However, we can take this random failure that lead to the fracturing of the group and thank beer for weeding out the weak link in the evolutionary chain.
The discovery of beer was most likely an accident, grains and fruit forgotten in the rain; baked by the sun into a pulpy mash the hungry populace was forced to consume the thick, liquid bread that had developed where the precious grain once was. Satiated and relaxed the people realized that the gods had handed them a gift.... and the production of beer ensued.
The ancients worshiped and consumed beer with a voracious appetite. Beer fueled the laborers who built their temples, beer fueled their warriors as they conquered one another and beer fueled the rites that showed favor to their gods. Beer was not a means of inebriation it was a way of life! Beer provided the energy to make it through the arduous day and the ability to recover and prepare for tomorrow.
Whether by accidental discovery or "necessity birthing invention" beer became a focal and integral part of early mans daily existence. At a time in our evolutionary process when survival mattered more than pleasure man consumed beer to facilitate his body's caloric survival requirements. It was unapologetic and an accepted more of the day; man labored and needed the calories to expend the energy to build worlds by his own hand; beer provided the carbohydrates needed for long term expenditures of effort and was in ample supply.
