So I wrote this back when I had the shingles!
Another lovely day has come and gone in this North American home I like to call the United Stated of… Paradise ! I mean where else could I be charged more than a weeks salary to see the local medicine man to have the gifts of health and wellness blown upon me from his magic elixir bottle? Mexico , Uruguay , Pakistan , maybe Mongolia
Alright I have to admit I drank a few too many of those wonderful beers yesterday afternoon; sometimes it helps to grease the old brain sprockets, so today just one will suffice and it happens to be a fantastic little porter, it’s a little bit hoppy for my taste, but this is called Beer N Shingles not Juice N Herpes.
Before picking up where I left off yesterday I need to tell you some exciting news; I saw the coolest kid I have ever seen in my entire fucking life and just blocks away from my house (I know, perfect day)! He was totally awesome, probably about five five or so, 140 pounds, just massive… his hair had this blonde dye job like Eminem used to sport before he sold out and it was slicked forward so you knew that if you messed with him you would get cut; there was the coolest, thin stache n beard deal growing around his face area and he had on these shades (definitely D&G) so you couldn’t tell if he was faded; his black, oversized T said, I don’t need to fill this shit out cause I’m a bad motherfucka, look at my swagger dog! The way he rolled his bony right fist into the left (black guys do that shit, you can tell he hangs out with one) hollered damn Nword(that’s how he talks) I’m hard as shit! That’s when I crossed the street, no sense getting my ass kicked. Not to mention he had on those basketball shorts that don’t fit up over your ass cause your dick is so fucking huge (like black dudes) plus they almost hit the ground, but not quite, just to show that he uses his fists and not his feet cause he never walks away! And those Adidas flip flops with the dirty white ankle socks, the kind that are all like look at this shit dog, you will get fucked up so look the fuck down bro! I know I know I’m gushing, but he wasn’t done being a bad ass, there was a serious piece of neck wear dangling around that boys collar bones it had to be platinum, at least a 1000 carrots. Homey listen, this kid could easily beat up twelve ninjas, and if he wasn’t faded at least thirteen. I bet he’s got a really hot girlfriend.
Do you know what the coolest part of having shingles is? No… didn’t think so, idiot. It’s probably your older brother thinking you jumped into a 70’s time machine (no, not a time machine to the 70’s, I’m quoting) so you could join in some cocaine fueled, disco orgy where even a machete can’t cut a swath large enough to stave off the VD. What a dick, I am definitely not buying him a beer when he returns from defending the motherland against the Saracen horde; he can fend for himself and drink PBR’s with all the other cool guys who wear little glasses. What kind of role model is this guy? He’s not the one sitting here with a lymph node that looks like grandma’s goiter hanging off the side of his fucking neck! That asshole would probably be whining and bitching up a storm, oh I can’t feel the left side of my face, my ear is on fire, my neck hurts, I look retarded and smell; me, me, me, me, well what about me?
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