So I spent a good portion of this evening reading other blogs and I have made a startling discovery. Apparently I do not have any children? From this evenings explorations I have gleaned that there is an assload of goddam amazing lil fuckers out there! Almost every blog is dedicated to the exciting world of everyone's child prodigy! With the total number of unbelievable acts of brilliance, balance and some other fucking b-word that I can't think of right now it's pretty hard to believe that anything has yet to be accomplished by the human race.
Here are some mind blowing accomplishments:
"Aidan saw the most beautiful butterfly, pointed to it and said " momma ucky". Wow Aidan with your amazing sense of whatever you might knock up some cheerleader your senior year.
"Kaelyn took three steps fell over... picked herself up and and took three more steps!!" Holy shit Kaelyn you discovered the gravitational pull of Earth's molten core, now if you could just learn to walk you may be able to escape from the coyotes in the backyard.
"This morning when I went downstairs to the bathroom Devon had tried to use the big boy potty, he missed, but he was so proud of himself that he smiled!" Oh boy Devon when you get your first pair of glasses maybe you can hit the toilet dumbass. Don't worry lil buddy you will spend most of your drunken adult life doing the same, but mommy will still love you.
I just can't stop being amazed at all of these amazing children and their amazing discoveries. Isn't it amazing that all the millions of children born every single year are so much more amazing than all the other amazing children? It is hard to discern which of these wonderkids was the most amazing, but I know that If I did have children they would be way more amazing than your stupid fucking kids!!
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