An Irishman's Lament

And the good Lord bent down and whispered into Seamus's ear and said "drink a bunch of this heavenly brew and go forth and do sex to stuff that is in your way." - Jon 3:16 part 2

I truly enjoy beer, I am talking near worship son! I wasn't even going to have one or four tonight, but what the hell it's a brand new year and I am a champion in the sport of consuming "the gods' wonder." Somehow my nearly thirty four year old body is still managing to break it all down and keep me operating in peak physical condition, but that is the price (it's close to a million bucks) I pay for being perfectly Irish. It is also apparent that my bod is impervious to whiskey, but nothing compares to a good brew and besides we all know what happens when an Irishman drinks whiskey (saves the world with his quill and ink of course, but I am far too narcissistic for that so... let it burn!). Speaking of being Irish, it has come to my attention that nearly all of my compadres (that is a Mexican word) are Irish. At first I was rather taken aback and pondered if this makes me some sort of deviant (that turned out to just be the sex stuff) or ethni-phobe, but then I realized that the deep seeded fear of the non-Irish is what makes me ethnically challenged not my Irish only peer group. Even my brown skinded homies have Irish last names or have been dubbed with Mick nicknames that at least sound as if they are from the Isle of Erin (like T-Bone or Lil' Belfast or something like that; that's a lie (sorry) I don't have any "less than pale" friends except Marcos, Greeley and Biju, but they can read so no big deal). This being Irish shit can sometimes be a burden, because you can never turn it off. The expectations of being handsome, witty, intelligent, a total bad-ass and havin' sweet dance moves are not to be taken lightly. Sometimes I wonder how simple it must be to just be an ugly Englishman (everyone hates those pansies, nice teeth idiots) or a dumbass,stink-butt Frenchy (yeah... enough said)? I am not complaining (How could I?), but more like sharing "The Knowledge" with you of how it 'aint easy being awesome all the time. Truth be told, it's the beer that keeps me on an even pace with the rest of human kind. I have solved many a mystery while partaking, but alas they have all been forgotten in a bleary haze or were too smeared with blood to be legible and mankind will continue to struggle on.

Viva Ireland!!