Thirty Four... You Sure Are Sexy!

Hello and welcome to my 34th year.

Once again I have waded through the turbulent waters that were the past year of my life and emerged on the other shore, two fists a pumping (fist pumping as well as fist bumping means you are a big success so you should do it as much as I do... which is a lot)! The past few days were the most harrowing as my 33rd year had a death grip on my throat and had to be bludgeoned into submission (Thank you Bombay Sapphire, just like the guy in that movie I like, you came out of nowhere to rescue me and I thought you died about 15 minutes before that when you had stayed behind so that I could escape and then there was that huge explosion, how did you survive? We'll talk about it later... good looking out though). This coming year is sure to be full of the greatness that you have come to expect from me, but unlike years past we are just going to wing it this time around. No more grand schemes of getting blasted and kicking the crap out of the homeless or jumping the "General Lee" over the creek by my parent's house that has the bridge that is "unexpectedly" out. In this 34th effort we are going with the flow and expecting positive results. There is no longer need to calculate the proper booze/blood ratio (last year it was an exact scientific formula with predictable results, you were used as my control group and had been administered a placebo cocktail... why were you acting drunk; was it to fit in?) to operate under during this year's experiment, but that is all part of "Adventure #34", as will be heretofore dubbed.

In 2011-34 (that is the proper way to write it now) know that I will not let you down, all of my experiences will be our experiences, no stone will be left unturned and no child will be left behind (except that stupid fat kid who missed the fucking bus again, he only lives a block away, but... stop eating so many cheetos fatty!). The year of domination has begun! Join me, spread the knowledge and so on and so forth. If you are a sexy lady... sleep with me! If you are a big tough guy... let me knock you out! If you can't read... fake it!

Who has two thumbs and is totally awesome? This guy!