I have been feeling a bit "under the weather" lately and that has led me to an earth shattering conclusion! We are always "under the fucking weather"; there is no way to be above the weather unless flying in a fuckin' plane and then what would we say if we had the flu? What? I am feeling strato-sick? That just sounds idiotic. I am not gonna say, "I am feeling a little under the weather" ever again and whomever coined that phrase is a dumb-shit and should be dropped from 50,000 feet with no chute so he can feel "above the weather" while plummeting to his well deserved death.
And another thing (I don't care about proper sentences or punctuation this is my blog and I am sick) why can't my body figure out which way to expel the refuse that is my illness? If I am sitting on the toilet it should be pretty obvious we are choosing to go "that" way so why does it insist on choosing the other?
I spent my goddamn X-Mas on the bathroom floor (I miss the toilet way more than I ever imagined) or the bed hangin' with the blow-dryer, the hairbrush and a couple of crusty pillows that I couldn't tell if I puked on 'em or if it was just drool from my fever induced nap sessions. Being sick is for pussies and the elderly (so they know it is time to die) and I am not doin' this anymore! No Zycam, no Nyquil no Airborne for this guy I am just going to "man up" and fight this thing with two fists and we will see who is the better man.
Goddammit, I lost.
See you next year Chris Kringle you suck and I hate your stupid beard and red alcoholic's nose, go drink some more Jager and bang your reindeer, you fat fuckin' pedophile and if I ever catch you feeling up my mom again I will strap you to your sleigh and drop you off outside of the Nickel Plate Hotel for some reunion time.
Merry Sick-mas
Love AwesomeTough
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