"World's Greatest Dad"

As most of you know I can beat you up, so why argue with me when you are dangling over a precipice of pain; why do you insist upon swimming in a pool of your own blood that I have forced from your now tooth less gape; the shame and self loathing you are about to endure will induce thoughts of suicide, but I won't let you, because I am not done using your arm as a pogo stick. Clearly I am your intellectual and physical superior; this could all be over if you would just admit that you have no clue what you are talking about.
What was that?
I know you are seven, what the fuck does that have to do with anything? Spiderman was never a member of X-Men so deal with it. If you can't handle your liquor just go back to school and drink; in fact you are cut off! Get the fuck out!
Tell your mom I said Hello.
There's a reason my shirt says "World's Greatest Dad!"
Not only am I the "World's Greatest Dad" I am pretty much the best at everything. I could out birth the shit out of you and knit you a blanket better than any Indian has ever made. Have you ever seen me eat Mexican food? I use chopsticks because I am that good! Instead of questioning me you should just start to believe and since I can read minds I know you totally want to blow me and that's cool, but I blew myself at lunch and probably did a better job anyways. Since we are on the subject of me I can jump really really high.