Political Wisdoms from '56

Politics, politics, politics. I am so unbelievably tired of discussing the political state of our world that I am this close (squeezing fingers together to the size of a pin, which is rather small, so back the fuck off Antonio!!!) to going on a full blown, karate, revenge spree on all who cross my incensed path. People on either side of these issues are complete butt-fucks and I don't really care what statistics or opinions are indicating. You assholes are interfering with my work, which was saving the world, but you fucked that up... congratulations to you!

Ohh Scott Walker parts his hair on the right. Ooh Local 269 members have beer guts, eat hot dogs for breakfast and smell like poo. I am going to collectively bargain the shit out of all of you; so shut the fuck up and listen to some wisdom from the fifties. That's right, post McCarthy "The Fifties" a simpler time. A time when men just wanted to drag race their Ford T-Birds and women wanted to make babies and get a new avocado colored stove from Sears. 

So I am going to drop some of these "wisdoms" taken from a class of '56 yearbook on your listening tubes and you will like it... 'cause I said so!

"I like a girl with a good head on my shoulder." - Dan H. 

Now that is some straight up fifties pimpin'! Back when a gallon of gas was a quarter and wearing a letter jacket was all you needed to get a good union job. Sad to say that it is an era gone bye; last I checked gas was $3.50...

"Shit in one hand and wish in the other, see which fills up first." - Mike S. 

I have a feeling young Michael wasn't waiting around for someone to just hand him anything; maybe some of these malcontents should try getting their fingers a little dirty with an honest days work and a little less bitching. 

I actually tried this and who'd a thunk, it took forever for the wish side to get full?

"I haven't let a woman pin anything on me since I was a baby." - Dick M. 

Wow is all I can say to that. What a surprise; this guy took over the successful family business and became extremely influential in his local political scene. Kind of have to wonder what little "Dicky" was so worried about back in '56? Do you think he might be a conservative?

"Books are my meat, who wants tomatoes?" - Steve F. 

I have no clue what the fuck this nerd was talking about, but apparently he didn't eat enough tomatoes and died of a massive heart attack back in the '90's. Goes to show that high protein diets are deadly and anyone who thinks they can waste taxpayer's money will certainly die at some point in the future; probably from heart failure or maybe cancer.

"Guests are like fish, after three days they start to stink!" - Carolyn S.

If you lay around somewhere for three days where you may or may not be welcome, you develop a type of pathetic funk? That doesn't happen to those who set up camp in public buildings... does it? No, because they are showered in the sweat of righteousness and justice.

See the fifties were pretty cool.