This weather has brought my spirits tumbling back to Earth and is preventing me from releasing my bad ass mind juice all over your faces. Speaking of juice I am on a new tomato juice kick, it's kinda old school (I know how you kids love that V-8), but it seems as if downing cans of this red stuff has increased my manliness ratio by about 17.76665%.
I am not sure if there is a scientific method that can test this; so when I go to the gym tonight, gonna do a set (loudly, the grunting releases more testosterone), tell the guy benching how awesome I am, then climb on a treadmill next to a chick with no headphones and tell her about my workout. You can score the most tail by talking to women on treadmills... they love when men approach them at the gym during a hard workout, proven fact, check craigslist.
I'm pretty sure bench-guy will leave from the shame of being a stupid pussy and tread-girl will meet me in the locker room for doing it. This will definitely prove that my methods are sound.
It's just one of those days, not even the ugly fat kid (who of course has food smeared on his jowels and is struggling for air) tethered to his disgusting mother can illicit a smile... and fatties crack me up?
The annoying Italians speaking Spanish or whatever are just irritating today and seriously do they always have to talk about pasta or gold?
What the fuck is happening to me? Maybe I need a recharge or...
DAMMIT I JUST SPILLED MY FUCKING CAPPUCCINO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're ridiculous
ReplyDeletethanks for the cappuccino
you made my rainy hungover day