What kind of person would I be if I were not to give some shout outs and thanks for all of my blessings on this upcoming holiday dedicated to some white people fucking up some brown people (they did bring us corn and it was most likely poisoned so... duh!).
Lets clarify though that shout outs are not thanks they are more like "good job dude" so a shout out would be, "hey good job gettin' some dad.. high five" but if I said "thanks for bangin' mom" that would be fucked up and gross.
Since Danzig is helping me write this (thanks Danzig, wrong spot... fuck) I should probably send some shout outs first.
Good job Satan... I love rock n roll, but I won't thank you just in case I was all wrong about this god shit.
Whoopi Goldberg, braids can be sexy as hell... not on you, but somebody.
Dear Tesla, Electricity rules "and the sign says you got to have a membership card to get inside", fuck you Edison!
"Knowing is half the battle" GI J.O.E. taught me the other half was smokin' dudes with blue lasers (bad guys use red lasers... of course)!
I didn't really learn shit from Hunter S. Thompson, but he was scared and hated everything just like me so, cool.
I really could go on giving shout outs for days, but Danzig says I am not thankful enough?
On with the thanking?
Thank You computers for giving me a dystopian future of mechanical warfare and death to look forward to!
Tipping me at work is acceptable, but leaving strange pills on the bar is much cooler dirty guy!
Thanks Marcos for reminding me that I needed to fix that thermostat in the $600.00 wonder car... might have blown that thing up otherwise. Dammit that was a shout out (Danzig says call you)!
Just want to thank the guy who blew a red light, hit me while riding my bike, then flipped me off, called me cracker and fled the scene. I wish your entire family all the best and hope Turkey Day finds you well; if anything horrific were to happen to you I would be devastated.
Monsterous super ultra thank you to beer, without you I might have actually accomplished something! (just kidding, that is Oliver North's fault... I believed you man.)
Danzig says that we got some shit to go do (he's not the boss of me) so I should get back to sacrificing... my night.
One last thank you for Thanksgiving. Turkeys... learn how to fly dummies, we could be eating eagles if you would get your shit together!
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