Hey Ya'll, well looks like I'm headin South for a few and I couldn't be more excited about the exploratory possibilities of this little trip. Gonna do some investigating in the deepest darkest swamplands of Georgia and I bet there will be alligators in attendance. Have I told you how much I fucking hate alligators? It's really more of a fear than a hatred and it is completely irrational; sure they could tear me limb from limb after they drag me into the murky depths or they could launch themselves out of the water and snag me while taking a nice jog at dusk. All of this is common knowledge and probably no big deal to most of the world, but are you not aware of the true conspiracy they have been hatching... those assholes can read minds and shit! I have heard they can fly and even shoot lasers out of their gaping mouths. All of that other shit is just for t.v. so we get lulled into a false sense of security and then... Steve Irwin!
I am on to these guys, there is nothing good living in the swamps of the deep south. Snakes... fuck those guys, possums... ugly and stupid, alligators... ancient dinosaur aliens from hell and owls are complete bullshit. I guess I am not really sure why I am hiking to certain death but as we learned from the movie Predator "everybody gotta die sometime" and I for one "ain't goin out like dat" (Cypress Hill was awesome), so while you are resting comfortably in your sleep number bed, sipping chamomile and being entranced by "Dancing with the Stars", remember that I will be fighting off gators with my bare hands, strangling snakes and trying to survive in order to protect you from a certain bleak alligator future. See, thanks to alligators I completely forgot why I am going down south... fucking assholes.
No comments:
Post a Comment