Report: Blizzard 2011

Hello friends, my that was some blizzard last evening was it not?
Lets have sharing time now. This is how it works, I will regale you with tales from last nights sojourn into the white death and you will enjoy it or get beat up for being an idiot.
First some advice for those of you who even though television and radio had given dedicated coverage to the Noreaster for about twenty four hours or so, still had no clue that the storm of the century was approaching.
Example: Guy with fogged up glasses driving the '88 Ford Handi-Van, rust bucket that I pushed out of the snow...
Maybe the fogged up Coke bottle specs and dirty Packers jacket with matching cap (it's called a washing machine... idiot) should have been an indicator that you were a Faulknerian man-child; or the toothless, mouth agape, blank ass stare when I asked you to "please back up" so myself and the other good Samaritans could assist in dislodging your piece of shit could have been a clue. It may have even been when instead of backing up you just scratched your head and kept on gunning it, which clearly had worked so well to that point. I'm sure you had to get somewhere important (like the shower) or had a speech on string theory to deliver at the University, because you dashed off into the night without saying thank you or even turning on your headlights. Next time there is a blizzard of epic proportions on the horizon do all of us a favor and forget where you placed the keys to the land-boat or just kill your fucking self because you suck. Dinner was nearly ruined, my shoes got all wet and beer was spilled all on account of you.
Example: Kids with no coats walking down the middle of the snowy street rapping...
Hmm, this was obviously a well thought out plan and your rhymes were amazing!. It was rather enjoyable watching you nearly get run over a dozen times while struggling to keep your damn pants up, it was clearly the motorists' fault for  practically ending your valuable existence (you guys may be the next G-Unit)) when you stopped to holla at your boy. I also realized how tough you are when that truck had to stop because you were in rap-zone while not attempting to cross the street and you called the Caucasian driver a "Nigga" and shot at him with your two finger gun. When you plan your next venture into snow-town make sure you don't wear a belt, or any winter gear of any sort and promise me you will have more slick rhymes to shout while walking down the middle of the road and one more thing... remember to go fuck yourselves because you suck. Someone should have hit all of you just to teach your parents a lesson.
This blizzard may have been hazardous to some, but it is bringing out the best in me. Now it is your turn to share.