Sunscreen. Throw that shit out, you don't need it. Moles are what you need, big, discolored, oddly shaped moles covering your leathery, wrinkled face. I would get to work on this right away if I were you.
Smokes. Gotta have smokes, preferably Pall Mall, GPC or some other shit brand you can procure at the Haji Mart across the street. Smoker voice is kind of a big deal in these parts (especially women...very sexy), now get to puffing.
Dew. Yep Mountain Fuckin' Dew. Get some, it doesn't matter if it's Code Red, PURPLE or whatever color, just start pounding that shit day and night; you got teeth to soften up.
Hammer. You're gonna need a hammer to knock out the teeth that you have been softening up with the Dew. Hopefully they just fall out and you won't have to smash too hard; make sure you leave one or two though... don't wanna overdo it.
Pills. You are now in need of Scripts to counter all of that pain in your mouth. I suggest oxy-whatevers, you can get them anywhere and your new friends in the trailer park will love you for sharing.
Disability. Get on that shit! Why the hell would you wanna work when you got all that Dew to drink, cigs to smoke and pills to pop? Makes my back hurt just thinkin' about it.
Six Pack. The Haji Mart across the street is always running specials on 211 or Meister Brau Ice or some kinda cheap ass beer; so get over there it's almost 9:00 a.m. for Christ's sake!
Now sit back in your white plastic chair, soak up some rays and enjoy the fruits of your labor... you've earned it!
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