Rice Pudding?
Seriously... rice fucking pudding?
Why is this an option as a side dish for my main course?
Why am I the only person in this place excusing himself to use the restroom? I have been here for like three hours and not one of these "geriatric wonders" has left their fucking table... WTF?
Do they not know they have to shit?
Do you think it just kinda happens while they're gumming the steamed fish plate special (Only $2.99 everyday 'til 6:00 PM!) and when they get home to watch "The Price is Right" they bend over to change into their "night slippers" and some falls out of their pant leg and they think the cat shit on the floor again... damn cat!!!
There is much to be said for life experience, but in which life would you wear your toupee backwards? How the fuck would you not know? Do you just glue it on and think "look out ladies here comes Jimmy Stewart" and you don't even notice the sideburns are behind your ears?
Unfortunately I have not yet qualified for the "senior special", I still have teeth, I rarely shit in my own pants and I don't pull U-turns through traffic to head the wrong way during rush hour, but come on Generation Y are you still alive!
This is Florida, a veritable amusement park of Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and Rice Pudding and I suppose when you are so close to that final day trip to Denny's shitting your pants or putting your hairpiece on a bit askew should be praised. In the grand scheme of things you are just going to slip and fall in the tub, breaking your hip and dying because you are so fucking old, but take solace in knowing (and forgetting, then knowing and forgetting all over again) that you are bringing a little extra sunshine to my already really sunny life.
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