Lets Go To The Beach

This is my Ultimate Beach Guide 2011 Part Two (Part One comes after because it's better than this one and will have all of the upgrades from the fuck-ups in this one... of which there will be none, so there is no Part One... fuck you.)

Lets get started

1. Find Some Sand, is there water... cool you got a beach. If there isn't any water put some sand in one of those empty beer bottles in your truck and bring it to some water... you just made your own beach.

2. Buy Some Fuckin Beer... you got money? No. Dig up all the change from the floor of your truck, make sure you check the glove box and those Taco Bell wrappers under the seat. Purchase whatever you can with your scroungings. Malt liquor works the best so hopefully you got enough.

3. Make Some Shorts... cut-off denim is the best in water, make sure the pockets hang out so you can catch any fish just in case you need bait. If you don't have a knife in the truck try karate choppin' em, that always works for me.

4. Sunglasses... you gotta have eye protection and instead of losin your Blades tie an old shirt around your head and cut out some eye holes, that'll work,

5. Gotta Have Baby Oil... I keep a lot of baby oil in the truck in case I need to lube up, otherwise 5W-30 or even ten will give you a base. Don't use any of that Dexron shit, it's for your tranny and will turn you red.

6. Flotations... boots float.

7. Umbrella... umbrella's are for pussies so don't use one, if you can't handle the sun for ten hours don't go to the fuckin beach asshole.

8. Where Are The Bathrooms... there ain't no bathrooms at the beach so piss in the fuckin water and you got those old Taco bell wrappers under the seat so you are covered.

9. Whistle... girls at the beach love being whistled at and wanna bang. keep some of that Saran Wrap from your PB and J handy so you can make a condom; never trust beach chicks they will give you VD.

There Is No Ten...