Sorry about that last little tongue lashing, I had very little to do with it, but that's the way the cookie (hopefully its a Milano... I love those things) crumbles. I was, needless to say, a tad bit annoyed fifteen minutes ago, but have had some time for inner reflection and feel prepared to share my prior frustration with ya'll. Maybe it had something to do with me being back on the "proverbial" (have you read that book... the old testament is fucked up, I guess drinking is wrong? Whatever.) sauce, or it could have been the complete lack of responsible interest by the American public in pursuing knowledge of the world that is actually determining our current course of action. Truth be told I am completely flaburgasted (How the hell do you spell that?) by our headlines.
Big fucking deal some kid can sing and used to be homeless! Are you aware that the entire Western economy is crumbling in the face of defaulting, tourist euro economies? Does anyone care?
The Earth is in another state of ecological upheaval and is unleashing her fury upon the nation of Alaska and once again in the Autonomous Muslim Nation of Turkey (the country, not the nearly flightless delicious bird of Thanksgiving fame... I love you flightless bird, see you in a few days).
Fine, I mentioned the asteroid that is passing this wonderful spinning globe of a planet by a mere 200,000 or so miles. Wouldn't you assume that an object coming within our orbit and having potential negative impact upon our existence would be mildly interesting to the masses?
It isn't, neither is anything else worth knowing, so the time has arrived to admit that knowledge is dead, Justin Beiber is the most important "thingy" ever and some other stupid shit that soon to be college grads find imperative to their social survival are what makes this life go round, go round?
Whatever.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Asteroids
DAMMIT!!! I was gonna hang the wash out to dry, but you fucked that up, congratulations to you asteroid! I hate you...
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Take That Sobriety
It has been brought to my Attention (dammit, Deficit taking over, Disorder inline, continue...) that I am offensive. Offensive, crass, pandering and lacking the proper set of societal skills and moors to be a successful human doing. Really? Really?
All the education in the world cannot substitute the inherent ability to acquire and disseminate information into useful self perpetuating skills (modus operandi) for host survival (the body is merely the host of the mind in a symbiotic relationship that may or may not end upon physical expiration). This is why I detest babies, babies being the first step of the "independent" evolution of us, have no ability to properly convert stimuli into necessary functions and therefore are reliant on the care of the more evolved matron of the species from which it was birthed. That being said... babies are fucking stupid, do you have any recollection of those first months outside of the confines of your mother? No you don't, because your mind was to under-developed for thought to become function and no meme sequences found you to be suitable for the seeding, germination and distribution (sharing with other "like-minded" individuals) of it's idea. In other words babies are to busy pooping, vomiting and staring blankly at the television to be productive "functioning" members of the group.
I will skip entirely over the rest of collective society (as it could fill volumes of leather bound books) and get to the end of this little diatribe.
I really hate the fucking elderly, here is the culmination of the human experience (as we know it), here is where the brilliance of cellular existence arrives; a sagging, malevolent (notice the root of the term is male...that's bullshit) form of wasted nucleic potential. it is as if the weight of decades of knowledge and experience has enfeebled their being, when in evolutionary terms they should be at the height of their cycle. Instead millions of tiny "nuclear" explosions are occurring rapidly within their lobes inducing a "lobal extinction," (yes I said lobal and not global) of all cellular life and hence the inability to survive under the power of one's self.
However this is all just conjecture and hearsay, who is to say that any of this drivel is anything more than just random words strung together in a sentence genome that ultimately results in paragraphs of expressed thought.
This is exactly why I should be separated from the rest of the group and shamed (just like in school, thank you teachers)
Was this offensive? Absolutely not, but if I told you to go fuck yourself that could be construed as offensive.
All the education in the world cannot substitute the inherent ability to acquire and disseminate information into useful self perpetuating skills (modus operandi) for host survival (the body is merely the host of the mind in a symbiotic relationship that may or may not end upon physical expiration). This is why I detest babies, babies being the first step of the "independent" evolution of us, have no ability to properly convert stimuli into necessary functions and therefore are reliant on the care of the more evolved matron of the species from which it was birthed. That being said... babies are fucking stupid, do you have any recollection of those first months outside of the confines of your mother? No you don't, because your mind was to under-developed for thought to become function and no meme sequences found you to be suitable for the seeding, germination and distribution (sharing with other "like-minded" individuals) of it's idea. In other words babies are to busy pooping, vomiting and staring blankly at the television to be productive "functioning" members of the group.
I will skip entirely over the rest of collective society (as it could fill volumes of leather bound books) and get to the end of this little diatribe.
I really hate the fucking elderly, here is the culmination of the human experience (as we know it), here is where the brilliance of cellular existence arrives; a sagging, malevolent (notice the root of the term is male...that's bullshit) form of wasted nucleic potential. it is as if the weight of decades of knowledge and experience has enfeebled their being, when in evolutionary terms they should be at the height of their cycle. Instead millions of tiny "nuclear" explosions are occurring rapidly within their lobes inducing a "lobal extinction," (yes I said lobal and not global) of all cellular life and hence the inability to survive under the power of one's self.
However this is all just conjecture and hearsay, who is to say that any of this drivel is anything more than just random words strung together in a sentence genome that ultimately results in paragraphs of expressed thought.
This is exactly why I should be separated from the rest of the group and shamed (just like in school, thank you teachers)
Was this offensive? Absolutely not, but if I told you to go fuck yourself that could be construed as offensive.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Kardashian Fever or Just a Rash...
Oh My God, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced!!!
Seriously... why the hell is this front page news?
Another talent-less, jersey chasing repository of male DNA has failed in the so called game of love... huge surprise. Can anyone even recall why "Thunder Butt" is famous? What has she achieved in her thirty some odd years on this planet that has rewarded her with such fame and financial gain? Lets see, she let a second rate hip hop non-entity film their sexcapades and then it was accidentally leaked to the viewing public... woops. Prior to finding success through sleeping with quasi-famous singers she made a valiant effort to achieve worldwide adulation by marrying the lesser half of R&B production duo The Underdogs; who gave us such wonders as Justin Guarini's debut album and a bunch of shit from Chris Brown... that one ended in the big D and thankfully no Paris Hilton-esque album. She moved onward and upward to professional football players like Miles Austin and Reggie Bush, who like all of her other "conquests" were second class citizens in their own profession. Where to next Kim? Musicians check, athletes check, I think there was a model in there somewhere so check to that as well. By process of elimination we can only assume an actor must be on her ass's broad horizon... Omar Epps, Taye Diggs, maybe even you Paul Walker.
What a complete waste of time and energy this has been, I had to do some research on "Big Dumps" and am so disgusted with myself that I have to put an end to this without even getting into any of the actual Kardashian dirt.
Kris or whatever your name is, you are much better off minus this wind bag and her equally vacuous family. Enjoy your share of the millions from that publicity stunt wedding you participated in and don't worry your NBA career is almost over anyway, so no loss on this season.
Toodles.
Seriously... why the hell is this front page news?
Another talent-less, jersey chasing repository of male DNA has failed in the so called game of love... huge surprise. Can anyone even recall why "Thunder Butt" is famous? What has she achieved in her thirty some odd years on this planet that has rewarded her with such fame and financial gain? Lets see, she let a second rate hip hop non-entity film their sexcapades and then it was accidentally leaked to the viewing public... woops. Prior to finding success through sleeping with quasi-famous singers she made a valiant effort to achieve worldwide adulation by marrying the lesser half of R&B production duo The Underdogs; who gave us such wonders as Justin Guarini's debut album and a bunch of shit from Chris Brown... that one ended in the big D and thankfully no Paris Hilton-esque album. She moved onward and upward to professional football players like Miles Austin and Reggie Bush, who like all of her other "conquests" were second class citizens in their own profession. Where to next Kim? Musicians check, athletes check, I think there was a model in there somewhere so check to that as well. By process of elimination we can only assume an actor must be on her ass's broad horizon... Omar Epps, Taye Diggs, maybe even you Paul Walker.
What a complete waste of time and energy this has been, I had to do some research on "Big Dumps" and am so disgusted with myself that I have to put an end to this without even getting into any of the actual Kardashian dirt.
Kris or whatever your name is, you are much better off minus this wind bag and her equally vacuous family. Enjoy your share of the millions from that publicity stunt wedding you participated in and don't worry your NBA career is almost over anyway, so no loss on this season.
Toodles.
Friday, October 28, 2011
I Care About You Guys
Sharing is not actually caring, it is more an expression of one's own will to be important... Now that we got that out in the open, I would like to share some stuff that I care about.
I care for the current psychological state of one Bernard Lawrence Madoff a misunderstood man, who is just searching for a little bit of redemption. So he is completely unapologetic about bilking billions of dollars from investors and stealing the lives and welfare of hard working Americans; he did try to take his own life and is greatly distressed about what he has done to his family (see caring). Mind you his lovely spouse and offspring are also complete pieces of human waste material (investigated for numerous tax violations, frauds, etc... but his wife had no clue what was going on...), however his eldest son cared so deeply for his family he chose to abruptly end his existence while the younger progeny had himself a case of lymphoma to make up for all the lying and stealing stuff.
Bernard was kind enough to re-distribute others wealth to his friends, corporate concerns and his charitable foundations which after his arrest lost millions in funds, probably due to the fact that it was money old Bernie had borrowed (which would imply intent to repay wouldn't it...). Prison life has suited "Don" Madoff well he says, his multiple trips to the infirmary and or hospital were not at all caused by other inmates, but just check-ups on his heart condition (Black heart is a medical condition right? I bet it's from to much caring...). Truthfully it is doubtful that any of his new "house" mates lost a dime from his dealings and usually citizens residing in the "big-house" are innocent of all accusations... most wouldn't hurt any living creature...
Bernie, you have pulled at my heart strings and I forgive you; the loss of your family is an American tragedy and thanks to Barbara Walters we have all been made aware of your suffering.
That is just some stuff I care about... no big deal.
I care for the current psychological state of one Bernard Lawrence Madoff a misunderstood man, who is just searching for a little bit of redemption. So he is completely unapologetic about bilking billions of dollars from investors and stealing the lives and welfare of hard working Americans; he did try to take his own life and is greatly distressed about what he has done to his family (see caring). Mind you his lovely spouse and offspring are also complete pieces of human waste material (investigated for numerous tax violations, frauds, etc... but his wife had no clue what was going on...), however his eldest son cared so deeply for his family he chose to abruptly end his existence while the younger progeny had himself a case of lymphoma to make up for all the lying and stealing stuff.
Bernard was kind enough to re-distribute others wealth to his friends, corporate concerns and his charitable foundations which after his arrest lost millions in funds, probably due to the fact that it was money old Bernie had borrowed (which would imply intent to repay wouldn't it...). Prison life has suited "Don" Madoff well he says, his multiple trips to the infirmary and or hospital were not at all caused by other inmates, but just check-ups on his heart condition (Black heart is a medical condition right? I bet it's from to much caring...). Truthfully it is doubtful that any of his new "house" mates lost a dime from his dealings and usually citizens residing in the "big-house" are innocent of all accusations... most wouldn't hurt any living creature...
Bernie, you have pulled at my heart strings and I forgive you; the loss of your family is an American tragedy and thanks to Barbara Walters we have all been made aware of your suffering.
That is just some stuff I care about... no big deal.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Capitalistic Occupation
Capitalism bought me this laptop. Capitalism bought you a smart phone. Capitalism bought protesters a mega phone and the free time to "occupy" shit.
Capitalism made Oakland a hub of shipping and the railroad industries. Capitalism built the shitty schools that students in Oakland don't bother to attend. Capitalism turned Oakland into a battle ground of ideology.
Capitalism paid for the uniforms and billy clubs used to beat protesters. Capitalism bought the ambulance used to whisk injured combatants to medical attention. Capitalism allows you to pay Dr. Singh from Mumbai to stitch up your wounds and send you off in dad's BMW.
Capitalism set up the satellites that you are using to tweet about injustice. Capitalism is letting you skip class at Berkeley tomorrow to go protest Capitalism again. Capitalism will be allowing you to use dad's money to back pack Southeast Asia and find yourself after graduation.
Capitalism will remind you how nice restrooms and hot water are. Capitalism will be footing the bill for that PHD in anthropology you will be receiving. Capitalism is prepared to pay that six figure salary you deserve so much, so that you can warn young minds of the dangers of Capitalism.
Capitalism practices reciprocity and is chilling a platter for you. Capitalism is clogging your arteries with delicious bacon and stealing your hair. Capitalism is devouring your liver with fine wines and scotch.
Capitalism has prepared a wooden box and six foot hole for you and can't wait to thank you for your service.
Capitalism made Oakland a hub of shipping and the railroad industries. Capitalism built the shitty schools that students in Oakland don't bother to attend. Capitalism turned Oakland into a battle ground of ideology.
Capitalism paid for the uniforms and billy clubs used to beat protesters. Capitalism bought the ambulance used to whisk injured combatants to medical attention. Capitalism allows you to pay Dr. Singh from Mumbai to stitch up your wounds and send you off in dad's BMW.
Capitalism set up the satellites that you are using to tweet about injustice. Capitalism is letting you skip class at Berkeley tomorrow to go protest Capitalism again. Capitalism will be allowing you to use dad's money to back pack Southeast Asia and find yourself after graduation.
Capitalism will remind you how nice restrooms and hot water are. Capitalism will be footing the bill for that PHD in anthropology you will be receiving. Capitalism is prepared to pay that six figure salary you deserve so much, so that you can warn young minds of the dangers of Capitalism.
Capitalism practices reciprocity and is chilling a platter for you. Capitalism is clogging your arteries with delicious bacon and stealing your hair. Capitalism is devouring your liver with fine wines and scotch.
Capitalism has prepared a wooden box and six foot hole for you and can't wait to thank you for your service.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Forgot to Post This, Because I Have a Drinking Problem
Life as we know it is a short and sometimes cruel short story published in the most obscure of publications, but every once in a blue moon someone comes along and writes an entire "Sports Illustrated, Fall Football Preview" with their life.
Sure their have been some recent departures from the world of the living that would qualify for that issue, but I don't really give a shit because I don't own an i-pod or i-pad or i-whatever the fuck the latest innovation happens to be. In the words of that Indian (feathers not dots) character from "Predator," "Everybody gotta die sometime," and yes the king of the creative computer world was a mere mortal like the rest of us. I hope he is getting some sweet S-jobs in compu-heaven, but does anyone realize that the creator of Doritos recently "bit" the big one? I have spent far more money hangin' on his "Cool Ranch" than I ever did getting Steve's kind of Jobs, just sayin' is all.
Hightower from "Police Academy?" Yep he's a goner.
Some junkies died; Winehouse, the guy from Weezer, that pussy Kanicky from "Grease," and Mike not the Starr of Alice In Chains fame. All taking a dirt nap.
Fitness guru Jack Lalanne finally succumbed to sixty plus years of promoting "women's fitness," Jack shoulda got with the times and realized that "women's fitness" is called porno, porn director's live forever Jack, wrong choice.
How about Warren Christopher? No big deal he only held positions of international importance (Secretary of State, Attorney General, Nerd of Power) during three separate presidential administrations, but you know he didn't do anything that effected anyone.
There is only one passing that need be noted here, only one that brings an era to an end, a man who forgot to "lay low" and finally got caught up. Original "OG" Nate Dogg, I'm pouring out a lil' liquor for you homey.
I hope Jobs (not like Job in the B-I-B-L-E, that guy went through some real shit) is living it up in i-heaven with i-god, but everybody does gotta die sometime and I for one would rather die it up with Nate Dogg and old Jack Lalanne than spend another minute with S-Jobs and his legion of Gen-Y Myrmidon in their unending i-nformation hell.
Goodnight and facebook to you.
Sure their have been some recent departures from the world of the living that would qualify for that issue, but I don't really give a shit because I don't own an i-pod or i-pad or i-whatever the fuck the latest innovation happens to be. In the words of that Indian (feathers not dots) character from "Predator," "Everybody gotta die sometime," and yes the king of the creative computer world was a mere mortal like the rest of us. I hope he is getting some sweet S-jobs in compu-heaven, but does anyone realize that the creator of Doritos recently "bit" the big one? I have spent far more money hangin' on his "Cool Ranch" than I ever did getting Steve's kind of Jobs, just sayin' is all.
Hightower from "Police Academy?" Yep he's a goner.
Some junkies died; Winehouse, the guy from Weezer, that pussy Kanicky from "Grease," and Mike not the Starr of Alice In Chains fame. All taking a dirt nap.
Fitness guru Jack Lalanne finally succumbed to sixty plus years of promoting "women's fitness," Jack shoulda got with the times and realized that "women's fitness" is called porno, porn director's live forever Jack, wrong choice.
How about Warren Christopher? No big deal he only held positions of international importance (Secretary of State, Attorney General, Nerd of Power) during three separate presidential administrations, but you know he didn't do anything that effected anyone.
There is only one passing that need be noted here, only one that brings an era to an end, a man who forgot to "lay low" and finally got caught up. Original "OG" Nate Dogg, I'm pouring out a lil' liquor for you homey.
I hope Jobs (not like Job in the B-I-B-L-E, that guy went through some real shit) is living it up in i-heaven with i-god, but everybody does gotta die sometime and I for one would rather die it up with Nate Dogg and old Jack Lalanne than spend another minute with S-Jobs and his legion of Gen-Y Myrmidon in their unending i-nformation hell.
Goodnight and facebook to you.
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